Mudik 2018

Mudik or Pulang Kampung, is an Indonesian term to explain a migrant workers (or like me, student) who live outside their original city/country and return back home during Raya celebration (Eid). This year, just like any other people, I return home – Jakarta – from Canberra. The reason I return home is not just because its Hari Raya, but mostly because my Dad is sick. It is quite shocking because finally it made me realise that my parents are going older each day. And I just want to spend time with them before everything is too late.

Jakarta will always be home for me. And glad I’m back when everyone leaving the city. Although it is still polluted but somehow its still pretty on its own way.

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My lovely polluted city

Always surrounded by trees and less people makes me feel a bit numb sometimes. But I enjoy the company of friends and family.

Speaking of my dad being sick, it’s not easy for our family. And each time it makes me realise, as the eldest children in the family, the responsibility is getting closer. Moreover, for some reason, my stubborn daddy only listen to me. So, I will use most of the times to discuss a lot of things for him to help him gain his health back.

By the end of the year, hopefully, I will finish my study in Australia. To be honest, I am sad because I’m gonna leave Canberra. I do love the city and the people there. But nothing is permanent, so I already prepare myself to detach from my comfort zone in Canberra. Yet, I know I’m gonna be so heartbroken when the time comes.

Anyway, Happy Eid peeps! Hopefully you enjoy your time wherever you are.

May God gives you peace and love to your heart.

xx

Day 14 + xx days: Closure

I know its been super late update, but I get carried away with semester breaks. I’m too lazy to open my Mac and write something. This is my last post for the 14-days-detox journal. Its been quite a journey itself with its funny story that I found along the way. Its a bit funny because during the last days I when to Sydney and just happened to had a breakfast with a friend. My schedule in Sydney its pretty full and he insisted to have breakfast with me (because I had to see friend from Jakarta around 10 am and he had to catch a flight at 11 am). So, we had early breakfast around 8am. Super early for me who always lazy to get up in Saturday morning. But I didn’t regret it because the conversation between me and him would be perfectly fit to close my detox journal.

Both of us have dull-love-story, you know late-20s kind of problems. I admire his value to give a chance to someone he loves but at the same time draw a bold line to respect himself. He also taught me how important commitment and he believes that friends-with-benefits or non-attachment won’t work. I somehow somewhat agree on him. The other half of me still deny it tho. He said the “I-cant-trust-anyone” and “I-dont-know-if-I’m-capable-to-fall-in-love-again” are just a phase. Rather than randomly hanging out or dating with different people each time, its better to focus on your self and life priority. Then prepare for proper relationship.

And its hard. It never been easy tho. But, I’m trying (at least, in my own pace lol).

I feel grateful to the conversation that I never expected. That I know there are people who always there, listen to me and give me good advice. At least, no matter how stubborn I am, they are always there. And this is just a phase in my life (that I keep bumping into weirdos or good people). If I’m not ready for any commitment and relationship, nobody can forces me. And I can’t help if anyone has feeling for me. I just need my space for myself to improve and be the better version of myself.

Well, let’s see what happens in the future. Que sera sera. 🙂

Day 12: Love

Finally, the storm of assignments + exam is finish (at least) before another ‘storm’ on May. I’m gonna have 2 weeks break and now we will have long weekend. So, everybody is going to other city (including me). So, when I just arrived home, it felt weird that my life a bit calm and quiet. However, Canberra is super lovely in this quiet week.

Since, the 14-days-of-detox is almost over, I have to admit that the first week was super hard.  But the second week a bit nice since I feel more peaceful (and have to focus on exam + assignment too!). During this detox week, I’ve been thinking a lot about many things lately (besides poverty reduction, growth, aid policy and democracy, obviously). Love is one of thing that in my mind lately.

One of my good friend fall in love with someone, and it somehow affecting him so much because the person that he loves doesn’t love him back. So, he’s dealing with a lot of uneasy emotion lately. It’s not easy to say “move on” to someone, because you never know how deep is the love. And sometimes you can’t choose someone that you fell into. It just happened.

After the last heartbreak experience and had relationship with this guy (oh update story, I cut this whatever-ship we have, too much drama lately, and I just can’t afford to focus on another drama. I need to focus on my study and my life here), I don’t know if I’m able to love someone again. Or maybe I’m just too tired with any feeling and emotion. I do remember, I have discussion with my friend about love. I told him that love is artificial things. You can love someone because the situation that encourage you to have romantic feeling, for instance if you meet that person everyday, you have similar taste of music, etc.

But I just met someone who lately say that he loves me. Its super weird (even until now) that somebody can love me. Sometimes its unexplained feeling and without no reason at all. He said there’s something in my personality that makes him likes me. Even I always being straightforward and brutally honest to him, the feeling still there. All I can do is say thank you to him. Because I know how hard is to love someone who doesn’t love you back. And fall in love is not an easy thing because you need courage and bravery to love someone deeply.