Honestly, I am not a kind of a religious person. Mungkin memang gue memakai jilbab, tapi tingkat iman tidak bisa dilihat dari jilbab. Gue jauh dari sempurna.
Tapi gue percaya setiap mahluk hidup pasti memiliki cara-nya sendiri berkomunikasi dengan Tuhan, Allah SWT. Dan begitu pula sebaliknya. Gue sendiri masih dalam proses belajar dalam mencari arti dari semua tanda yang Dia pancarkan. Yes, I do believe in signs. I do believe my own feeling. I’m kind of person who do something based on her instinct.
Made a decision is never easy. Especially if it related with other persons’ (with ‘s’ so its plural) feeling. I hate myself when I hurt others. I hate more because they are my VIP. After all, what I did is only hurting others feeling. I feel so childish, irresponsible, egoist, stone-head, you-name-it. Then I prayed, Istikharah. Then I made the decision.
It’s hard. Really hard. The next few days I felt lost. I knew I made the right decision. But still, some part of me is gone. Even I went to Istiqlal (don’t ask why, it’s just my instinct), prayed Maghrib and cried.
Then I realize one thing, maybe, we, human, create a plan but God always has a bigger plan.
All I have to do is ‘put my trust in Allah’.
Because He always there, He always knows and He is the Best.
And I feel relieve. Especially after He shows me why my decision is right. Subhanallah. Alhamdulilah.
Thank you, God.
Now, I will put everything in You. 🙂