How to be a Woman

When I was in an undergraduate degree, one of my favorite classes is Women & Politics. That’s the first time I learned to be a feminist. The subject taught you how the patriarchy rooted in our society, what the gender mainstreaming really means, and define your role as a person not by your gender. Some has a wrong perception of being feminist means hate men. Well not really. We only hate when we being discriminated because of our gender. 😀

I’m very grateful that me and my sister raised in a family who give a liberty to pursue our dream. My mother also gave me a freedom to continue my education abroad, that I just realize is a luxury compare to some of my friends. Some of female friends that I know of have this urge to ‘get married first’.


As a Javanese blood, marriage somehow an issue in my family. Maybe you also experience it by yourself, it’s soooooo boring to get question about ‘when will you get married?’ or ‘jangan sekolah ketinggian, nanti ga nikah-nikah‘. Hello? That’s the reason why I keep my plan to go abroad as a secret in my BIG family hahaha. The reason why most people put pressure more on women than men because women ‘should’ marry as early as possible so they ‘should’ have kids before they’re too old. On the other hand, to get married (and become parents) is a big decision. Not all marriages are happy ending. You have to think it very carefully and make yourself ready. Because the domestic responsibility (taking care kids, cooking, etc) is not only on woman but also man. Building equal relationship where both person could be fully of themselves and dedicated themselves to build the family together as an equal partner.

One of another issue I realize that beauty perception is very patriarchy. So how do you define beauty, ladies? Is it skinny, attractive, long-straight hair, big eyes, etc etc basically only based on appearance? How about being kind-hearted, loyal, smart, and brave?

Also ambitious and hard-worker ❤

I posted the picture above in my Path and many women agreed with the quotes (and no men show any reaction.. oh only one man, he asked the relations Nikita Gill and Nikita Mirz*ni wkwkwk).

Please don’t get the wrong idea that I against marriage and be beauty (as in do make up… I loooove make up so much, fuchsia lipstick, lashes, etc). The point is, as a person who born as a woman, whatever you do… whatever your choice in your life… do it because you are a person not because you are a woman.

Married when you are ready, not because your age is ticking.

Be attractive in your own version, to make you feel happy and fully yourself. Not to please others, of course.

Be ambitious on your dream, because you can!

Cooking because you have to eat well, not because women should cook. It’s a life skill. As well as clean your own bed, your house, change the bulb, etc.

Speak your own voice, because you have a right and equal like anybody else. Many of my female friends feel oppressed in their relationship, just like I’ve experienced it before. But they remain silent and feel the male partner has right to tell the female to do as they want. Speak up! Tell your feeling. You can not build an equal relationship if you do not the bravery to speak for yourself. And nobody will defend you, if you can not defend yourself.

And lastly…


This writing inspired by this lovely post.

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