I was a hopeless romantic before. Maybe there’s still part of me that hopeless romantic. I like to write poem and collecting quotes. I love sunset and when the moon rising. I always love to be in a beach and wondering the ‘other’ person will be across the sea and our mind will be connected.
And I found that man.
A man who loves nature. He taught me many kind of trees and its usage. He taught me how to know where is west in our city. He taught me the characters of birds here. He taught me to notice the smell in the air when rain is about to come. He loves to catch moon rising and somehow we never catch the moon rising (although we always planned for it). Not to mention that I always love the time we spent because we could speak about anything. I remember I laugh freely with him although all he did was talking about music or something stupid. Or we just talking in low voice, side by side, about life and problems. Walking around with him and exchange questions about our value and personal life was my favourite things to do. Cooking for him and his sister family was also my favourite things to do. Nothing can beat the feeling to cook for the people you love.
His biggest traits is makes people feel safe around him. But I love him because we have the same eyes. Or its only my assumptions that we have the same eyes.
I do remember when I was in Newcastle, longing to the sea, and I realise that we won’t be together. I always have this intuition to tell me about things.
After that, things fell apart. I know I’m heartbroken. I forgot when was the last time I fell so in love to somebody and felt this so heartbroken. Even now, if I’m thinking about this, its still feel hurts.
What makes you heartbroken is expectation. I have this high expectation of this man because of the circumstances. But, I forgot, our circumstances also will be the challenges. No matter how strong the chemistry between us. In the end, me and him will be separated anyway.
But I feel grateful to have this heartbroken feeling. This vulnerability feeling keeps remind me that sometimes things don’t go as you wished for. And I’m proud of myself that I can love people that much, because it takes courage to love someone.
I learn many things from this experience. Attachment is a burden. You can’t force people to stay with you. If they want to be with you, they will make effort. If they don’t, just let them go. What matters is enjoy your moment while together. If its meant to be it will be.
I don’t know if I’m ready to fall in love again, but I know I just need times. To pursue my dream. To having fun with my friends. But the most important thing is to love myself.