Day 8: Loneliness

My favourite morning activity is washing the dishes. It just calm my mind when water running through my hand and I have to clean it up everything left in the sink. I never thought that I become a clean addict like my mom. I always this lazy when I’m back home in Jakarta. But when I live alone, everything change. I love do the chores and make everything neat.

Anyway, washing the dishes, cleaning up kitchen and ironing are become my favourite activity. Especially when I have a lot of things in my mind.

People always wondering how much energy I have to meet a lot of people and stay bubbly. I don’t know the answer myself. But at some point, I feel exhausted, and just want to be alone.

Loneliness is a big deal for many people without you realise. I have to admit, I’m grateful I have people that I can rely on and talk if I feel lonely. But most of the times, loneliness is my old friend. I like being alone and on my own. Being ‘extrovert’ might people think that you can’t be alone, and they are confused when you just on your own-self. I love being alone, makes distance and in my peace of mind.

But this morning, I talk with my friend who recently move to London for work. He deals with different kind of loneliness. Because its a new place, new environment, new pressure in his workplace and no on knows him. On the other day, someone talks to me that he thought he might end up alone because nobody will understand him.

Dealing with loneliness is never easy. My friend choose to face it and embrace the loneliness he has. The other friend try to be busy so he doesn’t have to think about the loneliness that he felt.

One time I think that it might be possible that I end up alone. So I just prepared myself to be someone that I can rely on. The attitude of ‘I dont need anyone’ is a bit scary but challenging. At certain point you reach the level independence that you never thought you have before. Moreover, dealing with different kind of people lately just made me less trust to people. And somehow it makes my emotion dry, emotionless and a bit bitter.

Yesterday, someone met me because he’s about to leave Canberra for quiet some time. That person is one of the few people that just patiently listen all my stories. I told him about my current condition and emotionless state, and all he said to me repeatedly is “you’ll be okay”. I hugged him tight realise that I have to embrace the moment I have with him because I never know when he gonna back to Canberra.

And this morning, when I heard my friend’s story about his condition in London, all I can say is, “you’ll be okay,”.

So, anyone, who’s dealing with this kind of situation. You’ll be okay. Sooner or later.

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