Re-thinking Family Relationship

Eid supposedly a happy moment when family could gather and enjoy togetherness after being busy with life. But somehow, it could be anxious experience. I thought it was only me. After a year or so didn’t meet half of the big family members, I was being anxious. Sure, I’m pretty excited to meet some of them (because the aunt who usually gives nice recommendation for future career, or another aunt who can cook delicious pasta etc), but I can’t hide my anxiety.

I thought it was only me. Until I scroll down my twitter timeline, I found some tweets who mentioned that they are not comfortable to be in family gathering, choose to get out from house or locked themselves in the room. It’s totally their rights to do so. But, it hits me right to questioned the phenomena.


First, what can you consider as family relationship? Obviously it is because of the bloodline and you can’t choose your family because you are stick with them forever.

Second, no family is perfect. To be honest, Eid moment is the time when my mind wondering about how people can cry and apologise to each other and within a minutes they are start talking about each other. (Yes, I am cynical about this).

Third, somehow you are not really close to them because its compulsory not your own choice to hang out with them. So, it could be awkward because you are not really know them well (unless some cousins who followed each other on social media so I could know their activity). The awkward starts when some relatives start asking unnecessary question like: when you are getting married? why you are being so picky? how can you gain so much weight and being fat (oh I’m gonna discuss this on my next post)?

When I was kid, my mom told me to be polite and act nice to everyone. Its pretty easy for me when I was kid because I only know what is right or wrong based on my parents preferences. Now, I have my own values for what is right or wrong for me. And surely its hard to hid my uncomfortable in my face when I see something wrong. Of course, I still can be nice and smile politely. But, I become much much more cynical. I guess thats the reason why some people prefer to make distance from their family to avoid that kind of situation.

When my dad was in ICU and I was in Canberra, the people that I can ask for help is my two best friends. Even one of them just landed from Portugal and ran to the hospital afterwards. I could not bother to ask my mom’s siblings for help because somehow I feel uncomfortable with them (I am sorry, but it is true).

Maybe this is happened because there are shifting of closeness between family and friends toward our generation. Previously people tend to spend more time with family but now people tend to spend time with friends. So, I even feel closer to my friends rather than with the family. Actually its quite funny that I also saw my mom more close to her friends rather than her siblings anyway.

Well, true that, eventho blood is thicker than water but sometimes there are other things that influence how human relationship between each other. It does not mean that family is less important. But people are free to choose with whom they spend time or put priority.


Mudik 2018

Mudik or Pulang Kampung, is an Indonesian term to explain a migrant workers (or like me, student) who live outside their original city/country and return back home during Raya celebration (Eid). This year, just like any other people, I return home – Jakarta – from Canberra. The reason I return home is not just because its Hari Raya, but mostly because my Dad is sick. It is quite shocking because finally it made me realise that my parents are going older each day. And I just want to spend time with them before everything is too late.

Jakarta will always be home for me. And glad I’m back when everyone leaving the city. Although it is still polluted but somehow its still pretty on its own way.

My lovely polluted city

Always surrounded by trees and less people makes me feel a bit numb sometimes. But I enjoy the company of friends and family.

Speaking of my dad being sick, it’s not easy for our family. And each time it makes me realise, as the eldest children in the family, the responsibility is getting closer. Moreover, for some reason, my stubborn daddy only listen to me. So, I will use most of the times to discuss a lot of things for him to help him gain his health back.

By the end of the year, hopefully, I will finish my study in Australia. To be honest, I am sad because I’m gonna leave Canberra. I do love the city and the people there. But nothing is permanent, so I already prepare myself to detach from my comfort zone in Canberra. Yet, I know I’m gonna be so heartbroken when the time comes.

Anyway, Happy Eid peeps! Hopefully you enjoy your time wherever you are.

May God gives you peace and love to your heart.


Day 14 + xx days: Closure

I know its been super late update, but I get carried away with semester breaks. I’m too lazy to open my Mac and write something. This is my last post for the 14-days-detox journal. Its been quite a journey itself with its funny story that I found along the way. Its a bit funny because during the last days I when to Sydney and just happened to had a breakfast with a friend. My schedule in Sydney its pretty full and he insisted to have breakfast with me (because I had to see friend from Jakarta around 10 am and he had to catch a flight at 11 am). So, we had early breakfast around 8am. Super early for me who always lazy to get up in Saturday morning. But I didn’t regret it because the conversation between me and him would be perfectly fit to close my detox journal.

Both of us have dull-love-story, you know late-20s kind of problems. I admire his value to give a chance to someone he loves but at the same time draw a bold line to respect himself. He also taught me how important commitment and he believes that friends-with-benefits or non-attachment won’t work. I somehow somewhat agree on him. The other half of me still deny it tho. He said the “I-cant-trust-anyone” and “I-dont-know-if-I’m-capable-to-fall-in-love-again” are just a phase. Rather than randomly hanging out or dating with different people each time, its better to focus on your self and life priority. Then prepare for proper relationship.

And its hard. It never been easy tho. But, I’m trying (at least, in my own pace lol).

I feel grateful to the conversation that I never expected. That I know there are people who always there, listen to me and give me good advice. At least, no matter how stubborn I am, they are always there. And this is just a phase in my life (that I keep bumping into weirdos or good people). If I’m not ready for any commitment and relationship, nobody can forces me. And I can’t help if anyone has feeling for me. I just need my space for myself to improve and be the better version of myself.

Well, let’s see what happens in the future. Que sera sera. 🙂